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The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. Then the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her, because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times what she wishes for.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars.

The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting on one billion dollars. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.

The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach.

In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.

No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. For my last wish.."Id like to give birth to twins".]]> Woman's Viewpoint http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry110408-194936 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 09 Apr 2011 02:49:36 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=11&m=04&entry=entry110408-194936 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry090228-195104
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'"

"Yes, I do," she said.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."]]> Man's Viewpoint http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry090228-195104 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 01 Mar 2009 03:51:04 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=09&m=02&entry=entry090228-195104 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry090228-193839
Now the wife, a very reasonable woman, told him to go out and find a hot 21 year old blonde, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and if he was lucky he would have a small television to watch.
]]> Woman's Viewpoint http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry090228-193839 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 01 Mar 2009 03:38:39 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=09&m=02&entry=entry090228-193839 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry090228-193500
I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today, and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me, or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your Ex-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister Carla and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!

Response

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much to try to drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with Carla, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that she had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Hell and Free

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.]]> Woman's Viewpoint http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry090228-193500 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 01 Mar 2009 03:35:00 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=09&m=02&entry=entry090228-193500 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080717-164324
The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"]]> Both Viewpoints http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080717-164324 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Thu, 17 Jul 2008 23:43:24 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=07&entry=entry080717-164324 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080625-132028
"No, I can't give you a reason," he said to his pal, as he removed his boots and gave a sigh of relief. "Maybe she was like these boots: fine-looking, loyal, and a good worker, but to look at them you couldn't tell how much they hurt me."]]> Man's Viewpoint http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080625-132028 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Wed, 25 Jun 2008 20:20:28 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=06&entry=entry080625-132028 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080529-232311 “Mrs. Jokes, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.”
“Fair to both?!” exploded Mrs. Jones. “I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?”

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver's license.
"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Beth, who had who had requested support payments. He said told the now ex husband, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Well, that's fine, Judge," said the ex husband. "And ounce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself." ]]> Woman's Viewpoint http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080529-232311 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 30 May 2008 04:23:11 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080529-232311 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080521-200747
He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have 'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95 ....'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ....'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95 ....'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95 ....'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ....and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00".

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95"? Dad asked surprised.

"Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."]]> Man's Viewpoint http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080521-200747 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Thu, 22 May 2008 01:07:47 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080521-200747 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080513-230527 Shoot him again.

You know it's a bad day when your blind date is your ex-wife.

Why do divorced men get married again?
Bad memory.

If you saw your ex-wife and her lawyer drowning in a swimming pool, would you...go to lunch or the movies?

"I'm a big opponent of divorce. Why leave the nut you got for one you don't know?" Loretta Lynn]]> Both Viewpoints http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080513-230527 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Wed, 14 May 2008 04:05:27 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080513-230527 http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080509-210312 She divorced him because he was such a "dominating male."

He married her because she was so "fragile and petite."
He divorced her because she was so "weak and helpless."

She married him because "he knows how to provide a good living."
She divorced him because "all he thinks about is business."

He married her because "she reminds me of my mother."
He divorced her because "she's getting more like her mother every day."

She married him because he was "happy and romantic."
She divorced him because he was "shiftless and fun-loving."

He married her because she was "steady and sensible."
He divorced her because she was "boring and dull."

She married him because he was "the life of the party."
She divorced him because he is always "the life of the party."]]> Both Viewpoints http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080509-210312 The Joke Index dj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 10 May 2008 02:03:12 GMT http://divorcejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080509-210312