What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
Shoot him again.

You know it's a bad day when your blind date is your ex-wife.

Why do divorced men get married again?
Bad memory.

If you saw your ex-wife and her lawyer drowning in a swimming pool, would you...go to lunch or the movies?

"I'm a big opponent of divorce. Why leave the nut you got for one you don't know?" Loretta Lynn

She married him because he was such a "strong man"
She divorced him because he was such a "dominating male."

He married her because she was so "fragile and petite."
He divorced her because she was so "weak and helpless."

She married him because "he knows how to provide a good living."
She divorced him because "all he thinks about is business."

He married her because "she reminds me of my mother."
He divorced her because "she's getting more like her mother every day."

She married him because he was "happy and romantic."
She divorced him because he was "shiftless and fun-loving."

He married her because she was "steady and sensible."
He divorced her because she was "boring and dull."

She married him because he was "the life of the party."
She divorced him because he is always "the life of the party."

90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.
10% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Why do divorced men get married again?
Bad memory.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

My ex was a heart surgeon. She ripped my heart out.

Have you heard of the new divorced Barbie doll? - She comes with all of Ken's stuff.

An ex-spouse is like an inflamed appendix, she causes a lot of pain and suffering, but after she's removed you find you didn't need her anyway!

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.

Why is divorce so expensive? Answer: Because it's worth it.

Marriage is a three-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

My husband and I just split up. I finally faced the fact that we're incompatible. I'm a Leo and he's a donkey's rear end."

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman. Before marriage and after marriage.

In Hollywood they get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.

The hardest thing in Hollywood is to keep the marriage a secret until the divorce leaks out.

I was invited to a Hollywood wedding. Traffic was heavy, so I got there late -- just in time for the divorce.

One Hollywood kid has good reason to be proud: at the last PTA meeting, he won the prize for having the most parents there.

One actress is very sentimental: she always gets divorced in the dress her mother was married in.