After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client.
“Mrs. Jokes, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.”
“Fair to both?!” exploded Mrs. Jones. “I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?”

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver's license.
"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Beth, who had who had requested support payments. He said told the now ex husband, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Well, that's fine, Judge," said the ex husband. "And ounce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."