My wife told me we couldn't afford beer anymore so I'd have to give it up.

A day later I caught her spending $100.00 on make-up. So I asked her, how come I had to give up stuff but she didn't.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

1. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

2. You know it's a bad day when your blind date is your ex-wife.

3. When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

5. My soon-to-be ex-husband brought his girlfriend to divorce court this week. I guess they figured she might as well know what to expect.

6. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

7. We were very happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for ten years!

8. "I've never been married, but I tell people that I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me." -- Elayne Boosler

9. You know it's a bad day when your blind date is your ex-wife.

10. Q: Why do divorced men get married again?
A: Bad memory.

A woman said to a lawyer, "I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce."

The lawyer asked, "Are you married?"

The woman answered. "Yes, of course."

The lawyer smiled and said, "Then you have grounds."

Bill and John were talking at a bar shortly after Bill's divorce.

"Did the judge split everything fairly when he granted the divorce?" asked John.

Bill said, "Kind of, I guess. She got to keep our money, the house, the car, the boat, the furniture and the dog. I got to keep everything I was wearing.".